012: How to Break the Perfectionist Mindset with Tashina King

Tashina King

With over 10 years of experience supporting and coaching women from all over the world, Tashina understands just how vital it is to look at the whole-woman when it comes to the goals and desires each woman has. It is crucial to nurture and transform the foundation upon which those goals and desires are rooted in so that they may be reached with ease, confidence, and joy.

Tashina understands the demands of being a woman. She is an internationally recognised top instructor, entrepreneur since 2008, has toured over thirteen countries as a coach and professional dancer while being married, having a three year old son, and a new baby son.

Through her tours and coaching practice she has coached over 8,000 individuals throughout the world on self-worth, confidence, and taking ownership of their life.

💝 Key Takeaways

    • Where does perfectionism originate from?
    • Why is it so challenging for a person to overcome perfectionism?
    • What can you do to actually shift out of perfectionism?
    • What is the PSYCH-K method?

🔗 Where You Can Find Tashina

Website: http://www.empowered2greatness.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/transformwithtashina/

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/empowered2greatness/

Facebook Profile: https://www.facebook.com/tashina.beckmann

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tashinaking/

📖 Transcript

[00:00:00] Rose: Hey, it’s Rose and welcome to another episode of The Sensitive CEO Show. And in today’s episode, I’m talking with Tashina King about how to break the perfectionist mindset. Welcome, Tashina, and I’d love for you to introduce yourself to everyone listening today.

[00:00:20] Tashina: Hi Rose. Thank you so much for having me, and I’m looking forward to spending time here with you and having an awesome conversation.

So my name is Tashina King, and I’m a mindset and confidence coach. And a bit about me is I have been doing this work since 2012, and I have toured over 13 countries as a top recognised instructor. Partner dancing and coaching, working with thousands of individuals, supporting them in connecting with their self worth, inner confidence and their voice and how they want to live their life in an empowered way.

So that’s a little bit about me. I’m married. I have a three-year-old son, and I’m currently, at the time of the recording of this post, 37 weeks pregnant and do at any moment, basically with my second son.

[00:01:18] Rose: Oh, wow congratulations Tashina. That’s so exciting.

[00:01:22] Tashina: Yeah, it is.

[00:01:24] Rose: Maybe when the episode is live because we are pre-recording, you will have another little boy.
[00:01:27] Tashina: Probably yes. . .

[00:01:34] Rose: Oh, that’s wonderful. So let’s dive into your topic today around perfectionism and how to break the perfectionist mindset. Can you just talk a little bit, first of all, about where the term perfectionism originates from?

[00:01:52] Tashina: Well, for many individuals, the term perfectionism, becomes evident to them somewhere around maybe adolescents, young adulthood, but oftentimes it starts for an individual much earlier on in their life where there has been some form of pressure placed on them.

Whether outside pressure from grandparents, parents, family, culture, religion, society even, or internal pressure that to be enough in some capacity, the individual must reach and maintain a certain standard in their life. And oftentimes that pressure. Goes across multiple areas of life, not just one place of life.
And so it often originates at a deep level of a person feeling like they have to prove themselves to be enough. And so how that is manifested is certain standards they feel they must consistently meet. And if they don’t meet it, then a whole series of. Fears or events may occur or have occurred in their past, reinforcing their strive for continued perfectionism.

[00:03:14] Rose: And it is so rampant, isn’t it in our society today, perfectionism, it’s every second word almost, isn’t it?

[00:03:23] Tashina: It is. It’s everywhere in social media advertising, even in how we speak. I catch myself once in a while going, Oh, that sounds perfect.

Do you know? So it’s even in our day-to-day talk that this concept, you know, perfectionism is ever present.

[00:03:40] Rose: And why do you think it’s so challenging for people to overcome it? Is it because it’s sort of permeated our lives for so long?

[00:03:51] Tashina: Yes, I do think that is a big, big piece of it. And because it’s so deeply rooted in themselves that they have to prove themselves or that they have to be enough to be valuable or worthy or enough for a relationship or whatever it is in their life, that they’re aiming to be perfect at that.

They have to just continue it, and whenever, whenever they meet a goal or whenever they get that next certification, you know, they don’t take the opportunity to recognise the skill sets that got them there. They’re already focused on the next thing that they have to achieve at a perfection level to still and continue maintaining.

They were being worthy or enough. And so it’s so deeply rooted in individuals that it’s oftentimes very hard for a person to overcome it when they’re only working at overcoming it at a conscious level.

[00:04:50] Rose: And so, I understand you work with your clients at the subconscious level using PSYCH-K. Is that correct?

[00:05:01] Tashina: Yes. That is where I have found to be the most effective place in a person’s life to affect change. Perfectionism is also rooted at the subconscious level because what happens is up until about the age of seven, so even in utero, up until about the age of seven, our subconscious mind is very much like a sponge, and we’re subjected to hearing our family.

Say things over and over again and demonstrate things over and over again. The same goes with how we see advertisements and media, and news. And now, in the wonderful world of social media, we’re constantly bombarded with messaging about what is expected of us of in as individuals in the world. And up until about the age of seven, we’re in a brainwave state where we’re taking everything in at face value.

We can’t yet use our discernment and judgment. And so that’s why things are so often deeply rooted for individuals because they weren’t even aware that they were—being or about buying into this messaging of what is needed to be successful in life. Because it started at such an early age.

And then, by the time we can discern and judge and question things, things are already running in the background of our subconscious, which creates our outward reality. The things that we experience on a day-to-day basis. And when people try to overcome something then, it’s often only with the conscious mind, which is only about 5% of our awareness. In contrast, the subconscious mind is responsible for approximately 95% of our attention and our experiences.

And so if we really want to affect change, transformation, healing, and a deep, deep level of personal growth, we need to do that at the subconscious level where things originate from.

[00:07:14] Rose: Yeah. Makes so much sense. You probably know my background in hypnotherapy, that I’m a clinical hypnotherapist.

So I get the subconscious. I know that there’s so much going on there for us and obviously for our clients as well but PSYCH-K, I came across many years ago, but I’d love for you to share, for the people listening today who haven’t heard of PSYCH-K, how does that actually work?

[00:07:43] Tashina: So it accesses the brainwave state-like hypnotherapy does to affect change at the subconscious level. And there are different processes that we use within PSYCH-K that allow an individual to make those subconscious changes. My personal experience with hypnotherapy has been more of an. Closed experience for the duration of a hypnotherapy session.

And PSYCH-K tends to be more of an open-eyed experience. And there are times within working with the processes when your eyes are closed. So. It is very different. Again, just from my personal experience with Hypnotherapy that differs from PSYCH-K, but both are ways of accessing the subconscious mind.

With the PSYCH-K, there’s been studies with brain mapping that are—showing that when an individual enters into a subconscious change process, which is moving from a belief that limits an individual in their life to an empowering idea that supports an individual in their growth and changing their life, the new neural pathways that are created between left and right hemisphere of the brain.

[00:09:00] Tashina: So it’s opening up and accessing more. Abilities that the individual has in relation to what they’re working on, what their goals are, that they’re, engaging the psychic process with.

[00:09:12] Rose: I love that there are so many tools actually to get to the subconscious mind. And I know me too. It’s incredible, isn’t it?

[00:09:30] Tashina: It’s like, yes. And then, the open eyes process is fascinating. Why do you think there’s a difference between the eyes closed and the eyes open?

Well, when the actual change process occurs, I would say 90% of the time with the psychic approach; the actual process is with the eyes closed.

More of the time in the session, there’s discussion or exploration or identification of what goal the individual wants to shift into. That tends to be more of an open eye experience, which is where I have found the difference between hypnotherapy and the PSYCH-K approach.

[00:10:02] Rose:And how many, when you are working with your clients, how many sessions do you do with the PSYCH-K?

[00:10:14] Tashina: Well, it’s so, it varies so drastically. Personally, in my practice have found about eight sessions to a really solid number to be able to, A, get familiar with the processes. B, to understand how you as an individual have been programmed or the beliefs that you have.

And then really to clarify, In a big picture, the life that you really want to create for yourself. And so usually eight to 10 sessions is where I live, if you will, with my clients. But there’s a beautiful, amazing, and transformational change that can take place in just one session itself.

But if you think about how we grow up, you know, our beliefs are formed over many years and experiences. And so to create. Large change in a person’s life. We must take the time to unpack the different layers and levels that create unwanted results in an individual’s life.

And often, a person is only ready or able to experience so much change at once. So often we go back and revisit the next layer to transforming, eliminating belief. So, Eight to 10 sessions, to answer your question.

[00:11:42] Rose: And as you say, there’s so much conditioning isn’t there from, from the young ages up to however all we are now, that’s, that’s years of subconscious programming that often we’re not even aware of half of it.

[00:11:55] Tashina: Exactly. Yeah. And the thing is even after eight to 10 sessions, the. We, as humans are constantly evolving. We’re constantly having new experiences and learning more about ourselves, so there’s always an opportunity to keep working. With yourself with limiting beliefs and, you know, just for myself, like using the processes first in my professional dance career got me to jump started into understanding the subconscious, the power of the mind and limiting beliefs and how they play a role.

And I made much progress and that was my main focus. But when I got married my husband and I were talking about, you know, being ready to become parents, it opened up a whole other area of life where I had not yet applied that growth opportunity. So there’s always going to be, no matter how many sessions you have, or if you, you know, do your work, there’s always going to be more room for evolution in who you are as a person.

[00:12:59] Rose: And room for improvement comes up for me as well.

[00:13:04] Tashina: Yeah, exactly.

[00:13:07] Rose: So how, how would you recommend people shift out of perfectionism?

[00:13:14] Tashina: I think a really important place to start is for an individual to question themselves. If they were to reach this perception of perfection, what would that bring them in life?

What are they ultimately after? Is it that they’re seen? Is it that they’re enough? Is it, That they belong? You know, for everybody, it’ll be a different answer, and there may be several answers for one individual, but to identify what it is that you’re genuinely wanting to create for yourself in life by striving for perfectionism.

And once you’re able to identify that, then take a look at what beliefs you have about yourself at this moment?
Because let’s hypothetically say you do reach this ultimate level of perfectionism. If you’re still operating from this internal belief system, no matter what you do, you’ll never be good enough.

Then no matter how much perfectionism you reach, that will never be good enough. And so identifying for yourself. What is it that you’re after? What are your current beliefs about yourself, and starting to shift those beliefs? Now you know I am enough. Regardless of what I produce in my job or my company, I am enough; I am lovable as I am right now.
It’ll, again, be different for every single person, but to start to work with those subconscious beliefs now and that will start to release the grasp that perfectionism has on an individual. . So that would be the first place that I would encourage and invite a person to start exploring.

[00:15:04] Rose: And what sort of tools, also one or two tools would you recommend, say for someone to do on their own if they’re not ready for working with someone at this stage? What would be a couple of tools you could recommend to people listening?

One thing that’s been helpful is. Again, just going through that process and having the self-reflection space for yourself, even if you don’t take that into, an active coaching relationship with someone else, that’s still a empowering place to have clarity on what is it that you’re really after and what are ways that you can start to feel enough now or start to appreciate what you do?

[00:15:46] Tashina: What are ways that you can celebrate how you are enough. Another really powerful tool that I’ve had several clients use is, reaching out to a few trusted individuals in their life and ask for. Feedback of how their friends, family, and loved ones, see them as enough in that relationship or their life.
Because often, you know, we, as a human race, are conditioned to focus on what we don’t have. We’re focused on that lack. And so we’re constantly looking at what we need to improve, and often we don’t. Celebrate what we are great at. The value that we inherently bring to relationships and experiences, and by having someone that we love, trust, and respect offer us.

A different perspective of how we do add to situations. What they appreciate about us is a beautiful and eye-opening experience for a person to consider. Maybe it’s just how they perceive themselves, but in reality, there are many perceptions of them. Of how they are enough and lovable and appreciated and valuable and worthy.

And that can also be a powerful tool to start to unlock the need to strive for constant perfectionism.

[00:17:11] Rose: I love that. And often people do see such a different side to us than we see ourselves, don’t they?

[00:17:20] Tashina: Yeah, exactly. I believe it was a TEDx talk once about college, a classroom where on one side a ball, there was like a basketball, something like that in the middle of the room. And one side of the ball was painted red, and the other was painted yellow.

And the professor asked half of the room, what colour is the ball? And they kept saying red. And the other half of the room keeps saying yellow. And you know, the aha came for the class when the teacher rotated the ball. So, the other half of the class could see the other colour of the ball.

And how it’s just a matter of perception. Yeah. And so if we were to move places in the room, let’s say, if we were to change our perspective of how we look at ourselves, we could see the other sides of us that are truly incredible as opposed to just looking at ourselves through the lens or the position in the room of.

Not enough, or no matter what we do, is accepted or valuable. So that was just a powerful visual for me when I saw that and how that plays into many individuals’ perspectives.

[00:18:34] Rose: Yeah, that sounds great. I’ll have to keep an eye at it, do you remember what it was called by any chance?

[00:18:39] Tashina: Unfortunately, I don’t; it was many, many years ago. Yeah. But it left a lasting impression. Yeah, definitely. I think it’s a simple visual but powerful.

[00:18:49] Rose: Yeah. It’s a beautiful visual. I love that. I was going ask you; I’m really curious. You mentioned in your introduction about partner dancing and coaching.

I’d love you to share a little bit about that. I’ve got a bit of a dancing background, not as much as yours, but I, Yeah, I love, I love dancing. So can you share what about your partner dancing is Tashina?

[00:19:12] Tashina: Yeah, well, I’ve danced since I was two and a half. I came into the world, with a soul calling to move into dance.

And through my journey, it led me into a form of dance called West Coast Swing. And I actually got to go teach and judge in Australia, I think it was like five, six years ago now. but it’s a really fascinating style. It’s very much considered more like a street dance, like hip hop would be.

And ballroom partner dancing is much more. classical, like maybe ballet if you were to compare the, you know, those styles of dance. And what I love about West Coast swing is it really calls for an individual to be their authentic self in the dance, because a lot of it, 90% of the, the style is based off of improv.

So each partner knows the basics of the. But then you dance with random partners to random songs and you create off of those. Basic patterns and the basic structure rhythm of the dance. And so for me, I had to really break down perfectionism when it came to West Coast swing and this form of partner dancing.

My background previous to that was solo dancing and. Being taught choreographed routines where there was an exact placement of movement and arms and timing to a very specific time in the music. And so I became very comfortable in knowing what I was supposed to do. And it gave me, you know, marker of what would be perfect, right?

And when it came to this form of partner dance, where you’re doing a lot of improv, I really had to let go of. Not knowing the roadmap really, other than just the basics and be being creative and creating on the fly. And for me, that unknown space of taking risk and putting my idea ideas out there that hadn’t had time to be polished yet really struck my perfectionist chord because I was so afraid as at this time.

Pursuing this professionally, I was really afraid that if I messed up, or if my movement came across as sloppy or not as refined as it possibly could, that I wouldn’t be taken as a serious dancer. I wouldn’t be taken as a serious professional, which would then impact my career of being able to be hired and be successful in my dance career.
And so having to really explore the improvisational realm. and be okay with my ideas. Not being perfect or polished really was a huge time in my life to explore breaking out of what it meant to be perfect. Yeah, and be okay with that. And be embracing of, you know, the bobs along the way and enjoy that process versus the end result.
Everything polished is what I was so used to and trained in, in the other forms of dance that I had done prior to that.

[00:22:23] Rose: Wow. That’s amazing. I mean, how, how powerful What an amazing, powerful way to get out of that perfectionism and I totally relate to the choreography. I did ballet for many years and improv would just be oh, be really scary. So that Right. I can see that is such a powerful way and I love that you bring that into your work with coaching as well. How amazing.

[00:22:53] Tashina: Yeah. Oftentimes, and this is something I’m still definitely exploring in my own business, but you know, as an entrepreneur, we’re oftentimes engaged in all these different courses of how to do marketing and how to do sales.

And everyone has, you know, their way of, building a business. And so, We can, as entrepreneurs, get really locked into doing those courses or those strategies in the most perfect way, and then we get frustrated or down on ourselves or we lose motivation when those strategies aren’t working for us. because in some way, shape, or form, we’re not in flow with our own creative aspect of ourselves that makes our businesses unique. Yeah. And so embracing, you know, a structure like the basics of West Coast swing is important I think, in business, while also allowing ourselves the space to take creative license in a way that is authentic to our vision and our business is really important.
And be okay that there may be some, again, bobs or un refinement that occurs along the way. But in the end, it’ll create this beautiful work of art, which is your business, just like a beautiful work of art on the dance floor. So I have definitely found the lesson in my dancing showing up just in another facet in my business and many other clients that I’ve worked with.

[00:24:24] Rose: Wow. I love that. Well, this has been such an interesting conversation today Tashina thank you so very much, and Absolutely. I’ve got one final question that I love to ask all of my guests. Okay. When you feel overwhelmed or unfocused, what do you do?

[00:24:49] Tashina: Well there’s definitely different things that I do, depending on what it is that I’m experiencing. For me, getting outside is always really important.

I think given our culture where we’re constantly in front of the screen, it’s really important to reconnect with nature and, and the. The beauty, the creativity, the inspiration that comes from nature. So that’s definitely something that I engage in. And then also connecting with something that brings me joy.
So when we step into a space of joy, it reignites our energy. It reignites our creativity. It reignites. our ability to show up, stay motivated, and be focused. So, you know, one thing that I would encourage anyone listening to do is have a, a list of, you know, three to four things that are simple things to do that bring you lots of joy and.
Given the challenge that you may be faced with on any given day, looking at that list, that joy list, and then taking a pause and going and experiencing one of those things, it can be a really powerful way to reground and refocus yourself.

[00:25:48] Rose: Beautiful. I love that. Thank you so much, Tashina, as I said, it’s been wonderful talking to you today.

[00:25:54] Tashina: Absolutely. It’s been an honor to be here.

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